The first cut is the deepest
by rotterdam
Summary: Sirius experiences his father's cruel side for the first time,and the pain and humiliation that comes with it.


The door softly shut behind him. Sirius stood facing the deserted, darkened entrance hall, heart thumping in his ears. What was the time? Sirius' eyes sought the gold clock on the mantelpiece, which read 1:45. Shit! As his eyes became accustomed to the gloom, Sirius silently pulled of his Converses and held them to his chest. Barely breathing, he crossed the hall and crept like a mouse up the stairs. At the top, he held his breath and listened. The house was silent, except for the clock downstairs, slowly ticking away the seconds. Sirius looked left at the imposing door to his fathers study and shuddered with the thought of what would happed if he was found out at this time of night. Sirius sniffed. He smelt like drink and cigarettes.

"Better shower before breakfast tomorrow", he thought.

Suddenly, Sirius heard a noise which completely froze him to the spot. Footsteps. Footsteps approaching the study door from the other side. Without any time for him to hide, the door swung soundlessly open, and Sirius' eyes met the cold ones of his fathers. Sirius clutched onto his shoes tightly, like a deer caught in the headlights. Mr Black lifted one finger and beckoned Sirius into his study.

As though pulled by an invisible force, Sirius felt his legs move although he screamed at them to stop, turn around and run. Mr Black stood aside and let him pass, shutting the door with a snap. Sirius stood in the centre of the dimly lit room, still with his trainers clutched to his chest. He wanted to stand up straight, and show his father that he wasn't afraid of him, but one look into those penetrating eyes and any hope of courage just wilted away. His father simply stared at him. Sirius could hear his heart thumping in his chest. Surely he could smell his fear. Sirius realised that he was shaking slightly.

"Calm down, for fucks sake", he told himself furiously. His father took a step towards him.

"So," he muttered in a low, carrying tone. How dare you leave this house without my permission and stay out, _fraternising_ _with muggles_," he hissed the words, venom seeping into his voice, and anger dancing in his eyes.

Sirius felt about two inches tall, as he watched his father walk deliberately towards him, his anger growing with each step. Sirius was visibly shaking, unable to move.

"I can see that you have deliberately defied your mother and I. I have never been so ashamed and humiliated in my entire life." Mr Black's handsome face was distorted with hatred.

"Father…" Wham! Sirius was cut off sharply. The back of his father's hand collided with Sirius' left cheek, smashing his head round to the side. He gasped, dropping his shoes and gingerly touching his cheek. He felt blood ooze out from his lip, where his fathers serpent ring had torn the skin. Dazed and hurt, he looked up at his father.

"Did I ask you a question?!" My Black shouted, picking Sirius up by the front of his jacket and throwing him away from him.

Sirius caught his foot on the desk leg and sprawled to the floor, hitting his head on the bookshelf. His father hauled him up and smashed him against it.

"You were seen!" he spat. "Belatrix saw you with a group of _them_!" He slammed Sirius back again. "Smoking and drinking! How dare you. How dare you!" He shouted the end, and in a wild surge of anger he punched Sirius straight across the face.

Sirius cried out in pain and shock, too dazed to struggle. Wham! Another blow. And another. Suddenly, Mr Black let go of him, and Sirius slid to the floor, shaking, blood pouring from his nose and lip. His father sneered down at him.

"You had better toe the line from now on, or you will only make yourself suffer."

"But they're my friends…" Sirius wheezed, daring to look his father in the eye.

Mr Black froze, and stopped wiping his sons blood from his hands. In a swift movement he kicked Sirius in the stomach with his pointed toed boot. Sirius doubled up, clutching his stomach and coughing in pain, trying to hold back tears. His father bent down and looked him in the eye.

"Your cousins are your friends. Not muggles and blood traitor scum. Only pure bloods. You know that." He did not say it kindly, but punctuated each word. With a final look of hatred and loathing, Mr Black spat out, "Now get out of my sight. Your are a complete disgrace."

Sirius slowly pulled himself up, trying not to move his bruised and painful stomach. Casting one fearful glance at his father, who was standing by the window, rigid and tall, staring out, Sirius limped out. His shoes lay forgotten on the floor. He slowly made his way back to his room, shaking so violently that he had trouble opening his door. Once inside, he leant against it and slid to the floor. Sirius curled up and rested his head on his knees. And for the first time in years, Sirius Black cried.


End file.
